Roads

It’s been quite a few weeks since I updated the internet about my experiences here in the Philippines. If it weren’t for my Twitter addiction or my Facebook updates, one would be forgiven for thinking I had slipped off the side of the Pacific Ocean.

Since I last posted, I have settled into somewhat of a routine. Each morning I wake up at 05:50, have breakfast at 06:30 and leave for the training centre at 07:15. We travel in our truck passing over bumpy, pot-holed roads (ironically we pass the headquarters of the Land Transportation Office as well as the Department for Public Works and Highways along the way). We bump up and down before reaching our destination at around 07:30. I will spend my mornings (and usually my afternoons) teaching, thinking about my lessons, or scrolling through my Twitter feed. And so it has been, certainly for the weeks that made up September and October.

We come to now, mid-November, and I have recently begun to think about just why I have maintained such radio silence for the last six weeks. The fortnight that surrounded Halloween was particularly tough – I’m not sure for what reason, or why then exactly – but the word that sums up how I felt was malaise, a “general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.” Why was I feeling like this? And why were things as small as having to change my t-shirt midway through the day really getting to me?

Many travel writers and psychologists have written about culture shock in various articles and blogs. After an initial period of meeting new and interesting people, tasting delicious food and having intense cultural experiences, the honeymoon – as they say – will become well and truly over. And it was. I somehow felt like I had hit the potholes in the road after the smooth surfaces and interesting sights of my first six weeks. I had become to feel frustrated at the culture.

As each day passed, I was finding it impossible to stay energised enough to converse with people speaking in my simplified English and, of course, I was agitated that my language learning was not going so well. I was struggling being the alien whose instinct is to use a knife at dinnertime instead of a spoon or being the stranger in a strange land who can’t fathom what a whole population of 100 million people sees in white rice. My homesickness peaked and I became a little spiritually lost in this wilderness of palm trees and vast ocean.

It’s important for me that I write all of this down. It’s important that I remember how I felt, so I can look back on this and see the road that I have walked; the road that trails behind me as I continue to move forward and walk this path of the unknown. Culture shock is a fairly commonplace problem, and perhaps you have experienced this yourself. I’m not at all sure how I began to overcome it, and I can be confident in saying that I have not fully overcome it: only this morning I found myself a bit shaky after I saw a video with someone talking about hot chocolates from Costa whilst wearing a big winter coat and a bobble hat. (Sometimes the triggers are the most minuscule of cultural reminders.)

But what I have really found useful is to reflect and focus on everything I have conquered in the last three months. I can clearly see the moments of pride and joy paved down behind me like a golden bricked road of achievement; a road which is firmly solid in the ground not at all like the potholed roads of Provincial Jail Road (I’m not sure if this is its recognised name, but that’s what Google Maps calls it). The golden bricks of achievement lay behind me and, for sure, more potholes lie ahead.

And my achievements aren’t great, heroic acts of altruism. Put simply, I have taken real joy and hope from acts as simple as walking into the city to buy crisps or not being (too) bothered when a cockroach crawls along my wall just as I’m about to go to bed. My golden bricks are small milestones in my journey here which may sound silly or somehow mundane to an average Filipino: but they are neither of those things, I am trying to cherish all of my achievements whether great or small. There is a real joy in accomplishing something which is an everyday Filipino practice or custom; a beacon of hope signalling that one day I may begin to feel more confident and somewhat independent in living my life in a new (and let’s face it, still exciting) culture.

RoadsFinally, when thinking about how to overcome culture shock, there is one last thing that I think is important to bear in mind when attempting to live life more authentically in the place that you are. Try to not see your experiences abroad as a stopover in your life. The road that I am walking did not begin in August, nor will it end next summer. My journey started 24 years ago and, God willing, stretches on a long way into my future. I think my advice to anybody living abroad for a temporary, albeit long-term, stay is to not consider this adventure as a trip with a defined beginning and an end.

Viewing the experience in this way puts up barriers. The time becomes a self-contained experience that is somehow seen to “interrupt” whatever path you were taking before you arrived, and upon return home there may be a tendency to not have the experience affect your life and not be wholly transformative as you “pick up where you left off” when returning home.

It is in no way easy.

As I count up the weeks that I have spent here and the months that I have left, I am constantly aware of time. I just hope that eventually, as I overcome more of my fears and begin to fill the potholes in my journey, I can advance to the next stage of culture shock, the assimilation stage where all of these strange, alien concepts (because whilst I firmly remain an alien in this culture, the culture is still entirely alien to me) will begin to make sense. Who knows, perhaps I will begin to crave left-over pork and rice at 06:30, or even use the time we have no electricity to be productive and not for twiddling my thumbs and thinking about home.

Some top tips: Do not be afraid, remember to be gentle, and enjoy yourself. I’m spending most of my energies right now trying hard to do all three.

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